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Posts Tagged ‘breast cancer’

Why do I torture myself?

In home life on May 16, 2008 at 10:35 pm
This boob lump is wearing me thin. After the mamo I felt better. After all, they told me that it was probably benign. That’s good, right. 
Wait that’s what they say when they don’t know for sure too, huh? So, Ive worried. Ive worried myself sick to be exact.


I broke down and went to see my old gyno just because I love and trust him immensely. 
He felt it and has decided that I definitely need to see the Breast Center in Nashville. 
So I get to worry for another few weeks. I shouldnt, I know. But I cant help it.


I try to work more to keep my mind off of it but I only find myself staring into space wondering if Ill be dieing in the near future.  
I think about stuff like this woman I saw on Montel once. S
he found out she was going to die of breast cancer before her daughter turned two. So she made a birthday recording for her daughter for 
every year of her life. Each video had age specific advice etc. 
I cried so hard when I watched that. 


Why do I torture myself? 

Daily Dose of Optimism

In home life, Uncategorized on April 29, 2008 at 11:47 pm
After my mammogram today I rushed home to wait for days on the results. 
Should know something by Monday, they say. 
I know Im just over reacting but after the first few tit shots the mammographer (is that what their called?) says 
"Well, its probably just a cyst but I might need to take a few more pictures. Just depends on what I see here."
So while Im sitting in my lovely pink front-tie hospital shirt waiting for the boob ultra sound gal,
here comes my mammographer again. 
Apparently she needed the other two pictures. 
So- here I go. 
It wasnt enough to get the vertical smash pic and the horizontal smash pic 
but my lump also warranted the diagonal super smashorama snapshot. 
Not comforting.

The ultrasound girl did finally arrive but that was even less comforting. 
She had me put my clothing in the adjoining bathroom and I took one look in there 
and almost ran out- pink hospital shirt, boobs peaking out and all. 
It looked like something out of the Saw movies in there 
complete with rust smeared, dripping sink and scary old toilet with a broken handle. 
The floor was ripped up even! 
Then she wasnt even sure what she was looking at. 
She kept saying "where is it?" and "Are you sure its still there?"

oi vay

Scares and worries…

In home life, writing on April 26, 2008 at 4:34 pm
The doctor said it was most likely a cyst in my boobie and scheduled me for a mashogram on Tuesday. 
Always a joy.

I have a birthday party for next to smallest male child tomorrow. Sigh.. 
How can I get 20K words written by Wednesday? How, how, how?

We are back to schedule, aren’t we? The bane of my existence. 
I believe someone should develop a way of scheduling that involves no scheduling whatsoever. 
Write a book called something like 
How to Get Everything on Your to do List Done Without Actually Trying or very similar. 

I once interviewed the very talented Joanna Fluke. She writes very cute and savvy mysteries about a baker, Hannah Swensen 
who solves murder mysteries in her little country town. 
She told me that she couldnt write her novels until her children were grown and out of the house. Hm...

Completely coincidentally- I just remembered that back in my twenties some friends and I saw a card reader one night. 
She told me I would have some measure of success in my later years. Geesh, I forgot about that.


Is it later?



Is Breast Cancer Good For Your Career?

In Goals, home life, Kids and family, writing on April 24, 2008 at 4:40 pm

That is probably a terrible thing to say but I think I’ve driven myself insane. I have worried about this lump in my breast for days. I was up so late last night thinking about it that I was up early this morning. I just laid there staring at DH and Whistle britches, the littlest DS sleeping away.

“I wonder if it would hurt if I touched it. No, I better not push it. That might make something bad happen. Like what? If its cancer its already bad. Yeah but what if it breaks?”

Something like that over and over. So I finally get up at dawn and proof the articles I had to write and sent them in. I now have the second round of 20K due to my editor by next Wednesday. So Ive been steadily plugging away at that. Every time my mind wanders to the lumpy breast area I think of some intricate formula Im having to convey for the lay person.

Im setting goals like 3000 words before I can get my next cup of coffee etc. Just to stay focused on something besides my boobs. Tomorrow I can go to the doctor and find out if Im dieing or not.